The Eavesdropper: Life As He Hears It

Report from the United Artists Riverview Theater 12-19-06:
The Eavesdropper notices a drama brewing an aisle ahead at the advance screening of Rocky Balboa. Some radio station promo guy is giving out prizes with Rocky film trivia questions and the thirty-ish Everyman is a winner ("His turtles names are Cuff & Link!") and he's looking over the bag of promo booty he's been awarded. Some CD, a t-shirt, radio station bumper stickers and Whoa! A 2007 Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleader calender!

He turns to his left and huddles with his buddy as they peruse the calender, savoring month after month. It doesn't seem like it as that long ago that an Eagles Cheerleader calender might have the women in their uniforms, smiling. In 2007 the Eagles cheerleader is just one stretch or shimmy from being completely free of the clothing and those gleaming smiles have been replaced by the type of sex-zombie sneer that says, "You're going to be inside me in thirty seconds".

Then the Everyman turned to his right and looks at his wife. "I can't keep this!" he moans. "Where could I put it up? Not in the house! Definitely not at work!" he says with a disbelieving laugh. "You want it?"

His buddy upturns his palms and his buddy's wife chimes in, "If she says you can't put it up in your house, you think he can put it up in ours?"

He looks further down the aisle. "You want it?" A third friend reaches for it, his enlightened female companion laughing away.

"Take it, " says the Everyman, "I'll stick with my cups".